I spent my childhood on military bases across the country and abroad. Over the years I have attended more than a few military events, usually changes of command, a ceremonial change of leadership for military groups of varying sizes and functions. They’re fresh, with a military band, slow-marching flag bearers and all the pomp and circumstance you can handle.
And in every speech, without exception, the new commander deeply thanked his wife for her sacrifices. In addition to being home alone with the kids while he’s deployed, many military wives sacrifice their careers (my own mother did that too).
The sad reality is that if you move every 1 to 2 years, it destroys the continuity of your resume and makes it almost impossible to maintain a stable business career.
As a military family, you don’t know where you’re moving until a few months in advance – if you’re lucky. There are even cases where a notice period of a few weeks is required, which leads to significant conflict within the family. It should come as no surprise that the divorce rate in military families is nearly double the national average (currently 4.8% per year versus 2.5% for the general public).
The unemployment figures are even worse. The average unemployment rate is currently around 4%, while the percentage of military women who are unemployed hovers around 21%.
Frankly, even 21% feels like a generous number – because the vast majority of military women I’ve met and spent time with were out of a job, and that was through no fault of their own. And let’s be clear: it is mainly women who face these problems. Nine out of ten spouses of active duty military personnel are women.
Also the family challenge
This is a huge burden, especially since military personnel are routinely deployed for six to twelve months at a time (my father was away for 50% of my childhood and missed my and my sister’s births). The mother becomes a de facto single mother during these periods, which is not only expensive but often makes work a non-option.
Even if they have grandparents nearby who can help, or if they find affordable childcare, the jobs that are available at all are usually not high-paying jobs that match the partner’s skills. Many military women are highly educated, but the areas they move to are often far away from the cities where these specialized positions – such as architectural, engineering and HR jobs – are located. So the only positions are often on the basics, including retail jobs and cashiers. It’s a tough pill to swallow and usually not worth it.
But this isn’t to say there are zero options for military women who want to work. It just takes a little creativity and initiative.
There are other paths for those who are looking
My mother is very enterprising and in many ways is much more interesting than my father (no offense, father). After launching several businesses while constantly moving, including a flower shop and a hay distribution company, she realized that the real estate agency gave her the flexibility she needed to work while constantly moving.
This also allowed her to be a parent while my father was away. Funnily enough, she regularly drove us to and from swim training, often on the phone with clients. She often barked at my sister and me when we argued in the backseat, in her devilish voice, “If you don’t stop fighting, I’m coming back over that seat!”
Only for her phone to ring, and for her to pick up the phone and say in her angelic voice, “Hello! This is Jan!”
She did that full-time for twenty years and still has her driver’s license. It turned out to be a fruitful, if cyclical, endeavor (make sure you save for a rainy day). For those thinking about it, let me remind you that it takes time to get your business on track, but if you network and keep moving forward, you have a shot at making a solid income.
To the point, consider jobs that will allow you to transition into new areas and hit the ground running.
Additionally, rising levels of hybrid and remote work are a huge boon for military women. And even for jobs that aren’t completely remote, they make long commutes more bearable. One of our military family friends has a job that is 90 minutes away, but she only has to drive to work one day a week, making the commute easy to tolerate.
There are also plenty of job programs, including the Military Spouse Employment Partnership, which has helped more than 275,000 military spouses find work. There are also Blue Star Families, which have many resources to help military women.
Companies, such as Hilton, routinely launch campaigns to hire more military spouses, hiring thousands in any given year. A simple search for “companies that hire military spouses” can generally point you to a few options.
To the military women reading this, I would caution you to stay away from multi-level marketing schemes, which are known to go after people with non-traditional schedules and full-time work opportunities. These opportunities are often not worth it and can cause you to burn bridges in your natural network.
Consider investing in your skills
Most military careers do not last a lifetime. And even if they last decades, there will eventually come a time when children are less dependent on you and the opportunity to work more might arise.
That’s why investing in an education now can help — because it’s often free through the GI Bill. For those who don’t know what this means, all active duty personnel receive college credits to pay for their degrees depending on how long they serve. And you can often give these credits to your spouse if you wish.
My father, who served for over 30 years, was able to transfer his GI Bill to my mother and she used it to go to culinary school and become a chef through Le Cordon Bleu. This has helped them immensely in their post-military lives (more on that soon).
And for those soon-to-retire military spouses, consider letting your wife take her turn with her career. My Uncle Bob and his wife Carol started a business, Liberty Bakery, a boutique bakery in Jacksonville, Florida. They both wake up at 4am every day and start baking. Uncle Bob works on the window and is a local favorite. As a thirty-year-old war pilot, I suspect he never imagined he would be known for baking cookies.
My parents launched a vineyard, Bleufrog Vineyards, eight years ago. The “frog” is a tribute to the frogman (Navy SEALs) and the “blue” refers to mother’s culinary training.
My father openly says that they launched this vineyard because mother had already sacrificed so much for his career and it was her turn to go to work.
I was initially skeptical about the company and was sure they would blow all their retirement savings. But the vineyard is thriving, with lots of customers on weekends and live music.
In the monthly SEAL newsletter, The BLAST, they stated in the spring of last year:
The point is, all it takes is a little bit of thinking outside the box and a willingness to give your ideas a chance. Entrepreneurship is a lot of work, but it can be incredibly rewarding.
My hope is that the Army continues to invest in programs to support military women – because even our national security preparedness depends on these families staying healthy and functional. But more importantly, it’s the right thing to do. And for the hiring managers seeing this: please consider hiring a military spouse.
Thank you to all who are committed, and especially to their families. I know very well that it is not an easy sacrifice.
