Krzysztof Alcer and Grzegorz Lepianka have been waiting for 21 years for their relationship to be officially recognized by Poland. But as the wait continues, their anger grows and their patience runs out.
The Catholic country’s main ruling party had promised to legalize civil unions. However, six months into the term, same-sex couples are still unable to marry or register their partnership in this EU member state.
And this despite a December ruling by the European Court of Human Rights condemning Poland for failing to recognize and protect same-sex couples. This followed complaints from Alcer and Lepianka, among others.
Looking back, when they heard about the ruling, 44-year-old Alcer told AFP: “At the time we had great hope, great optimism, and we thought things would move very quickly.
“My hope, my optimism… I don’t have it in me anymore. It’s dead,” he added.
“What remains is frustration and anger.”
– ‘Political games’ –
Prime Minister Donald Tusk included the promise of civil unions highly in the manifesto of his Civic Coalition Party.
After ousting the right-wing populist Law and Justice (PiS) party in last October’s elections, Tusk vowed to press ahead with legislation “before the end of winter”.
However, by the spring of 2024, Alcer and Lepianka had seen no change.
The conservative farmers’ party PSL, part of the ruling coalition, has spoken out against the project. It is widely believed that the resulting dispute within the coalition is behind the delay.
“It’s terrifyingly sad…,” said 42-year-old Lepianka. “We’re just being tossed around like a sack of potatoes.”
He blamed the ruling parties’ “political games” for the legal limbo they and other same-sex couples found themselves in.
Due to the lack of legislation recognizing their partnerships, couples resort to civil law contracts to settle property or inheritance rights.
But that does not absolve them from paying inheritance taxes, Alcer explains.
“If I die suddenly, Grzegorz won’t be able to pay the inheritance taxes…,” he said. “It’s so high that he’ll just lose our shared apartment.”
– Coming out ‘every day’ –
For Ola and Karolina, mothering two children in Poland involves a lot of paperwork.
“I have to explain every time that I have power of attorney from Ola to take my children to the doctor, to pick them up from kindergarten, to share information about them at daycare,” says 34-year-old Karolina.
“I always thought there would only be one coming out, that I would come out to myself, my friends and my family. And now I feel like I do it every day,” she added.
For Ola and Karolina, who have been together for twelve years, equality in marriage is their ‘biggest dream’. They even considered moving abroad to enjoy full rights, but ultimately abandoned that idea.
“We have our families here, we have our parents, our apartments, our businesses, our children go to school and we don’t want to run away forever. Yes, we want to live here,” Ola, 41, told AFP.
As their mothers spoke to AFP, the children laughed and played in the living room. To protect them, the couple had declined to be identified by their full names.
– 20 years of waiting –
Alcer and Lepianka also considered leaving the country, but ultimately decided to stay.
“There’s a registration office downstairs,” Lepianka said, pointing outside their flat in central Warsaw. “We always thought we’d get there on a Saturday and just get married.
“When we entered the European Union (in 2004), it seemed to us that this would happen quickly. Many years have passed since then and we are exactly where we were,” he added – but his partner disagreed.
“We’re not at the same point. We’re 20 years older,” Alcer said.
“This situation has really taken away a lot of happiness, a lot of opportunities for a better life – and that will never come back.”
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