If life had turned out differently, Emma Hayes might well have been the head of the British spy service instead of one of the most successful coaches in world football.
“I applied to MI5,” she writes in her new book. “But I heard nothing back.”
It’s one of many catchy lines that stand out in A Completely Different Game, which is also not usually an autobiography. “I wanted to do something I would read,” Hayes says. “I wouldn’t read an autobiography. I might read parts of it, but they’re just not books I like.”
Instead, she has produced a detailed guide to leadership, insights and lessons on how to be an effective and successful manager – applicable to any area of life – but one that is infused with her own experiences. That makes it even more powerful, and Hayes doesn’t hold back. One word she uses is “visceral” to explain her “passion” and she doesn’t disagree when I suggest that it is intense and raw, as well as open.
“I’m intense,” Hayes says. “And light at the same time. I’m actually a very laid-back character. I’m purposeful, I would say. I think deeply about what I’m trying to do and how I want it to have an impact. Not just on my team winning, but the impact that what I do can have on the wider society.”
Hayes certainly has a worldview, which helps explain her interest in, well, being a spy. She was the first person in her extended family to go to university, studying at Liverpool Hope, and says: “When I think about how international relations, politics and sociology have played a part in my ability to lead people, I didn’t realise that then, but I do now. It’s been so instrumental.
“And yes, deep down, would I have liked to have been involved in diplomacy or international relations or negotiating skills? Maybe I was better suited for that than being a spy! But my friends at university used to put a sign on my door that said ‘Jane Bond’.”
Hayes adds: “I have a passion for everything outside of England. I thrive on and enjoy understanding the world and the complexities around it. I always have been – I have the [people of] the world’s largest stateless nation, the Kurds.”
Her inquisitive nature is similar to that of Sir Alex Ferguson – a great student of historical events, such as the American Civil War – and Hayes’ book is littered with references to the former Manchester United manager. There’s clearly a connection. “I see so much of myself in him,” she says. “His first text was the one I got when we won gold.”
Hayes, of course, won gold at the Paris Olympics this summer as head coach of the United States—the “highlight,” she says, of being a women’s soccer manager. “Coaching the U.S. in women’s soccer is like coaching Brazil in men’s soccer,” Hayes says, and that fascination with America has always been there, having spent 10 years there earlier in her coaching career and before she achieved such extraordinary success with Chelsea.
“I still get a lump in my throat when I think about it,” Hayes says of winning the Olympics. “I fill up every time. I dreamed about it. I played that on the fields at the flats in Camden [on the Curnock Street Estate, north London, where she grew up].”
Hayes triumphed with the US just 73 days after her first training session. She inherited a team that had flopped at the last World Cup but was, as always, burdened with expectations. There is a stark contrast in how Hayes felt physically and emotionally after her success in Paris and her victory with Chelsea.
“I find it hard to look at pictures of trophy lifts,” the 47-year-old says of her silverware-laden club career. Why? Hayes has endured years of trauma – from the birth of her son Harry and the loss of his stillborn twin brother Albie to an emergency hysterectomy after a horrific battle with endometriosis that caused a sudden menopause.
“The second trophy I won with Chelsea, in 2015, that afternoon I came out of hospital after an emergency procedure and all I could see was the pain I was in,” Hayes says. “I remember the FA Cup in 2018, I gave birth to Harry 10 days later. I remember being in excruciating pain. Every image was of pain.
“That’s why this summer was so joyful for me, because for the first time in a long time I felt like I didn’t have a personal health problem. It was also a way to laugh after sadness.”
The grief came with the death of her father, Sid, last September, a larger-than-life character and a huge, encouraging influence on her life. Indeed, the book opens with Hayes wrestling with the question of whether to leave Chelsea after 12 years to take the job in the US, and a moment when she hears the voice of her late father encouraging her to take the chance, something she’s always begged for.
Hayes is motivated by being so open about her health and the effect it has had on her, to help others and “raise awareness.” She wants more dialogue and education, and it’s hard to predict when she asks, “What if the plethora of underlying health issues surrounding women’s menstrual cycles were experienced by men?” and answers her own question: “We wouldn’t be in this position. I really wanted to bring that to life.”
She did. The book is striking. “When it comes to my own health, I really thought about how much I was suffering in silence because I didn’t understand what was going on,” Hayes says. “And that made me dig a little deeper.”
Another clear theme is the huge, holistic investment Hayes has in her players and staff and their wellbeing, which at first glance might seem at odds with elite sport. It is, she says, “an oxymoron”, adding: “To be caring, insensitive and cold at the same time, because you’re in a business where people’s lives are at stake, but you can only put 11 players on a team.”
And there are striking lines that Hayes repeats throughout the book, like how she “normalized” the pain and how her doctor told her her endometriosis was so bad — stage five — that it should have left her “paralyzed.”
There is also the question of whether it is feasible for a woman in her position – or in any position of responsibility and leadership – to take a year of maternity leave.
“It’s the biggest regret I have,” Hayes says. “I took eight weeks and, as you often hear from women who have given birth, you’re living in a body that you don’t understand and you’re not in harmony with and it takes longer to recover from childbirth than you think. I thought, ‘Eight weeks, I’ll be right back.’ It took about four years, but then I also had chronic endometriosis. So I don’t think I had a hysterectomy [in 2022] I once recovered from childbirth.”
It felt right, logically, to leave Chelsea, however big the break, and to end it with a dramatic Women’s Super League title win. And so did taking over as USA coach. “I was glad my time at Chelsea was over,” Hayes said. “Pressure comes with the position I’m in and certainly with the winning history that I have. I accept that. But I’ve enjoyed the feeling of being cheerful again. I didn’t realise how debilitating grief is and how much grief and my own personal struggles over the last few years have really taken everything away from me. I’m so glad I’ve turned a page. Proud of everything I’ve done at Chelsea but happy to be in this new space.”
She has had immediate success and expects to stay at the U.S. post for at least five years. “It’s such a different atmosphere when you work in the U.S.. Working in women’s sports is valued,” Hayes says, explaining how she feels reenergized.
But would she ever coach England? “I’ve always dreamed of coaching the US team and yes, those formative years played a part in that,” she says. Hayes would “never say never” about coaching England, but also says: “I didn’t necessarily see the England path intuitively.”
And what about the men’s game? Could she become a Premier League manager, for example? There’s another line that jumps out of the book. “Who knows?” Hayes writes about what she’ll do next. “Maybe I’ll be so enriched by my experiences in international football that I’ll go into the men’s game.”
So, is that her goal? “I just think people are asking the wrong person. You need to ask owners. Ask, ‘Why isn’t Emma Hayes or Carla Ward hired at that level?’ Because I think whatever that ceiling has been, I don’t understand why that is the case. I really don’t understand why diversity is essential in a world where elite performance is really, really important. So why don’t we have it?
“I’m not even talking about gender. It’s also about race and ethnicity. It’s everywhere. I’m almost surprised that there hasn’t even been a woman appointed to lead, but for me I’m very happy with the women’s game.
“Think about it from my perspective: How many jobs are going to be bigger than the one I have? So I would have to give something up. Everyone talks about the men’s game, but I think, ‘Do you know what I do?’ This is the pinnacle for me.”
There is, however, one goal that Hayes sees herself pursuing in the long term, and given her entrepreneurial nature, it’s hardly a surprise. “I want to invest in women’s sports,” she says. “Would I ever want to own a football club? Yes, absolutely. I want to invest in the women’s game and women’s sports and I see the potential there.”
It’s a potential Hayes has played a major role in – and will continue to play a major role in – growing. “I’m doing something I love, so I don’t think about achievements in terms of medals and winning things,” she says, despite her tangible success.
“I just wanted to move the marker in the game and create a space that is a place and a great place for women to flourish. I just feel very privileged that I get the opportunity to do that. That’s sometimes all people need in life – to be given the opportunity.”
A Completely Different Game: My Leadership Playbook by Emma Hayes is out now (Robinson, £22)
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