The “man vs. bear debate,” in which women ponder who would be the better companion in the woods, has recently taken TikTok by storm. To the surprise of some men, women have leaned heavily on the bear.
Once upon a time I lay between two bears in their winter den on a high snowy mountain peak in Colorado. Stomach on the snow, rocks above, both arms outstretched to touch each bear. Speaking of magic.
This female bear and her yearling had been sedated by the state veterinarian, a woman who stood at my feet, outside the small rocks that formed the bear’s den, encouraging me to hurry. But I was in no hurry. Because there were bears, big and strong and panting, with stomachs heaving with breath, wild and real, and I was among them. I remember closing my eyes in pure joy and listening to all of us breathe.
All of this was for a book I was writing – ‘Great Colorado Bear Stories’ – and I had casually asked some researchers if I could join them on their journey to retrieve the female’s GPS collar, since the research they had conducted. was now over. (It never ceases to amaze me what authors can do if they just ask.)
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We had just spent all day snowshoeing up a very steep mountainside, the most tiring day of my life as the snow was what we call ‘rotten’ and the snowshoes kept sinking into meters of snow. I had hurt my knee and hip, I could tell, and I had spent the last few hours of the expedition quietly crying.
Most bears are nice – and so are most men
But then the bears. After firing a tranquilizer dart, retrieving the GPS collar, and taking blood and hair samples, they let me climb in. Why? Don’t know. Because I asked, and because outdoorsmen are nice.
You know who else is nice? The men in my life. They are all wonderful, thoughtful, kind creatures, I tell you. They do good to the world. My partner, my son, my friends.
But once upon a time there were two that didn’t: one resulted in a scar on my forehead hitting an open car door, and the other scarred my heart with a shocking loss of patience.
For these two reasons I choose the bear.
This also applies to Ammalie, the main character in my book ‘Three Keys’, as she embarks on a solo journey around the planet. Safety is a major concern of hers – let’s face it, only a naive person wouldn’t care. She has pepper spray, a loud alarm, and she’s sharp. She may be lost, but she’s not stupid. She is prepared for wild animals or for human animals, she does not know, although she is aware that this is the second thing she fears most.
Is it safe to run as a woman? Being a female runner shouldn’t be dangerous. Laken Riley’s death reminds us that this is so.
And certainly: it is a novel after all! – she gets into trouble. But it’s not the man or the bear that gets her. It is her own anxious psychology, her own isolation and her own lostness that are the real danger. Therefore, she bravely sets out on a journey, ready to meet a bear or man, because perhaps the most dangerous thing of all is to live a small life that you weren’t proud of.
That day in the study, with my cheek in the snow, I closed my eyes and listened to my breathing and their breathing. I smelled boar taint – surprisingly nice, I’m happy to report, even though it was freezing and perhaps I was too exhausted to let my nostrils do their work.
Finally I pulled away, stood up and turned to the group of scientists, a bunch of strangers, all of us on a remote mountain.
I was in the forest with men, women And bear, and it all turned out great. Night fell and so we slid down the mountainside on our avalanche shovels, which isn’t as fun as it sounds. That night, alone in my cold hotel room, I examined my cuts, bumps, bruises, and swollen knee.
Yes, I cried. But it wasn’t because the bear or the man had scared me. I cried because it had been one of the best days of my life. It was exhausting and had pushed me to my limits. I lived the life I wanted, and there is a certain pride in that.
Laura Pritchett is the author of seven novels and two nonfiction books, including her latest novel, ‘Three keys.” She has been awarded the PEN USA Award for Fiction, the High Plains Literary Award, the Milkweed National Fiction Prize, the Colorado Book Award, the WILLA Fiction Award, and has been shortlisted by many others.
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Why the TikTok ‘man vs. bear’ debate is hardly a question for women
