May 22 – I’m known for being judgmental. I will own that completely.
All my life I’ve been afraid of women. They intimidate me. They are more beautiful, stronger and more talented than me.
I developed a coping mechanism at an early age: If I could fool myself first, maybe the women around me who intimidated me wouldn’t be able to mentally harm me. I’m 39 years old and still doing this.
A few months ago, our school employees were offered a free trial lesson at a local fitness studio. My first reaction was: thanks but no thanks.
I had this false judgmental idea that only beautiful and fit women worked there. How on earth can an uncoordinated, perimenopausal, infertile school teacher with a podunk accent hang out in such an environment?
I was terrified.
A colleague of mine, ten years my junior, insisted I go. I let down my guard and agreed to go. Mind you, I was struggling with what I was going to wear for a good hour prior to our workout.
God humbled me after that training class. I needed it. He has a funny way of doing that when you’re too proud to admit you’re wrong, and I was too.
All kinds of women showed up for that class. Some were older than me, others were younger. Some had experience, others did not. Some had different physical abilities. They were all nice though. Every last one of them.
I drove home sweaty and crying. I cried somewhat from exhaustion, but mostly from remorse. In a world where women compete against each other, it doesn’t always have to be that way.
That first lesson was almost three months ago. My leggings are hanging in the laundry room and my sticky socks are packed in the car.
I’ve made friends in a place where I just knew they wouldn’t accept a hillbilly, who overshares and has cellulite, but it’s the exact opposite. I show up and give it my all, and they clap and tell me to keep coming back.
They are supportive.
They are real.
I’m not a ballerina, but Barre made me better. There are a million cliché quotes about being a powerful woman, and some of them are meaningful. When you see the magic happen, that empowerment in real time, it’s pretty fantastic.
Erinn Williams is originally from Williamsburg and now lives in Owensboro, Kentucky. She is the daughter of a teacher and a preacher and hopes to make a difference with her words. She teaches elementary education in Daviess County and writes for Owensboro Parent magazine in Western Kentucky. You can contact her at erinn.williams2017@gmail.com.
