Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene took the stage at a political rally this weekend in Las Vegas, Nevada, and in the dulcet tones of an end-stage cicada made it clear that she sees similarities between convicted felon Donald Trump and Jesus Christ.
“The Democrats and the fake news media want to talk about ‘Trump is a convicted felon,’” she said Sunday, addressing a sweaty crowd of easily deceived Americans. ‘Do you want to know something? The man I adore is also a convicted felon. And he was murdered on a Roman cross.”
Well, that makes perfect sense if you ignore all Biblical teachings and hold your breath for 10 to 15 minutes.
Trump like Jesus? I’m not sure which Bible Marjorie Taylor Greene reads.
I don’t remember from my Catholic upbringing the Biblical story of Jesus being convicted of 34 crimes for falsifying company records to cover up an affair with an adult parchmenteer. Furthermore, ‘crime’ as a legal term only emerged in medieval England.
But I would never claim to be an expert on Christianity like Greene. I assume she was referring to a parable from the “NEW New Testament: MAGA Edition,” which makes sense considering that before she spoke, the chair of the Nevada Republican Party said that the people at the rally had gathered to “worship” Trump.
Do Republicans hear Trump? Guilty Trump’s press conference was a disaster. Republicans must replace him quickly.
There’s nothing mildly disturbing about that. Supposedly the first commandment in the NEW New Testament is: “You shall have no other gods before me, except perhaps a corrupt, over-glorified broker who sells red hats.”
Maybe Trump isn’t the messiah, but could he be ‘the chosen one’?
If any of these Messianic treatments make you uncomfortable, I encourage you to relax. It’s not like the leader of a state political party treated a twice-impeached, multi-indicted one-term former president, who is scheduled to meet with a probation officer on Monday, as if he were the chosen one.
No, that specific distinction goes to a Christian “musician” who recently released a song about Trump called “The Chosen One,” which the former president bragged about on his social media site: “Natasha Owens Declares Former President ‘The Chosen One’ With New Single .”
Trump the criminal: Guilty Trump’s press conference was a disaster. Republicans must replace him quickly.
The text contains sensible lines suggesting that the man found liable by the jury for sexual abuse is also the man God has chosen to be a “warrior” for “such a time as this.”
Owens, who must think God has quite a sense of humor, said in a statement: “We are in a battle between good and evil and I believe God chose President Trump to push back against evil in our country and the evil in our country. this world. President Trump is ‘the chosen one.’”
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God clearly sent Trump to talk to us about sharks and batteries
This is all fine. This is all completely normal.
I am 100% certain that if God were looking for an imperfect human vehicle to deliver a message of hope and love to the masses, He would choose the man who stood on the stage at Sunday’s rally/worship session in Nevada, a landlocked state that is no way on the ocean, and discussed what would happen if a battery-powered boat sank near a shark:
“What would happen if the boat were to sink because of its weight, and you’re in the boat and you’ve got a really powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater and there’s a shark about thirty feet out there. By the way, there have been a lot of shark attacks lately, have you noticed? Lots of sharks. I saw how some guys justified it today. “Well, they weren’t really angry, they bit off the young lady’s leg because they weren’t hungry, but they didn’t understand who she was.” These people are crazy. He said there’s no problem with sharks, they just didn’t really understand that a young woman who was swimming right now was really getting decimated, and a lot of other people too, a lot of shark attacks. So there is a shark 10 meters away from the boat. Ten meters. Or here. Will I get electrocuted if the boat sinks, water runs over the battery, the boat sinks, do I stay on the boat and get electrocuted or do I jump over the shark and not get electrocuted?
Marjorie Taylor Greene’s newfound messiah is a magnet for criminal stupidity.
And that is the honest truth of God.
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: MTG says convicted felon Trump looks like Jesus. Which Bible is that?
