Lindsay Simmons knows many moms want to create the “perfect” Christmas, but she urges parents everywhere to focus on what’s really important this holiday season, like simply having their kids by their side.
The Springtown, Texas, mother shared an emotional post about the holidays in a Facebook group called “Grown and Flown Parents,” for parents of adult children, about how her 23-year-old son, Ryan, died in a tragic accident in June 15.
Simmons explained that Ryan and his then-fiancée Lauren asked Simmons, her husband Greg and their 18-year-old daughter Allison to postpone their Christmas celebration last year so they could take a trip with Lauren’s brother and his brother. family.
Ryan, wearing a cowboy hat, with his mother, Lindsay, second from right, father, Greg, and sister, Allison.
Sure, Ryan and Lauren’s trip disrupted the family’s normal holiday routine, but Simmons told her son the trip “sounded fun” and they rescheduled their Christmas get-together.
“We had our little Christmas with them on NYE and then rang in the new year together,” Simmons wrote in her post. Months later he died in a horrific accident.
“A few weeks ago my daughter-in-law (they had been married for three weeks when he was killed) said, ‘Are you mad that we weren’t here for Christmas now?’” Simmons wrote.
Ryan and Lauren married on May 17, 2024, less than three weeks before Ryan’s tragic death. The two started dating as teenagers.
“I didn’t even have to think about that answer,” she continued. “Absolutely not. Life is too short to get angry over trivial things, and now I really know how short it is. We still had Christmas, just on a different day. And I didn’t whine, get angry, or cause division. I just let them do what made them happy.”
Simmons, who said her family will be devastated that Ryan won’t be with them for Christmas this year, urged other mothers in the group to spend time with their children this holiday season, however it unfolds.
‘Guys… life is too short. Make memories, even if they aren’t perfect or exactly the way you want them. One day they might be all you have,” Simmons wrote in her post.
Simmons danced with her son on his wedding day.
Simmons tells TODAY.com that she decided to write her post after reading comments from other mothers in the group who were upset about their adult children making changes to their family’s typical Christmas plans.
“It made me think about the fact that last Christmas, or when we were celebrating Christmas, I didn’t know that this would be the last Christmas I would have with Ryan,” she says. “I’m so glad it wasn’t controversial or anything like that. We just went with the flow.
“I never wanted to make them feel like they had to be here and be miserable. There is no reason for that,” she adds.
Ryan and Lauren celebrated with friends and family at their wedding reception.
Ryan and Lauren dated for seven years before tying the knot on May 17. Just three weeks later, the couple hosted a housewarming party to celebrate the purchase of their first home.
Later that evening, Ryan, who loved the “freedom” of riding around on his motorcycle, hopped on for a quick ride around his new neighborhood. Around 11:30 p.m., Ryan crashed his bike just steps from his new home. He died immediately.
“He just decided to take a quick walk around the block,” Simmons said. “He was literally steps away from their house and didn’t come home.”
Ryan’s mother said he had a “work ethic” that was unusual for someone his age, but that he also “really cared about people.”
Although an investigation was conducted, police were unable to determine what exactly caused Ryan’s accident. “We’ll never know if maybe an animal ran in front of him,” says Simmons. ‘They’re in a brand new neighborhood. There are many coyotes.
“He was driving too fast,” she adds sadly. “He was wise beyond his years in many ways, but he was still 23.”
Ryan attended his younger sister Allison’s high school graduation in May. The couple was “very, very close,” their mother said.
Both Ryan’s funeral and a candlelight vigil held in his honor drew nearly 500 attendees. “That’s how many people he’s touched in 23 years,” said Simmons, struggling to hold back tears.
Simmons describes her late son as a “special” kind of man, adored by virtually everyone who knew him. “He was kind and generous and he had a work ethic that I don’t think anyone his age has,” she told TODAY.com.
Ryan graduated from the University of North Texas without debt thanks to scholarships. He also worked full-time as a project manager at a commercial construction company.
While he was focused and ambitious, Ryan also “cared about people,” Simmons says, recalling how Ryan bought meals for homeless people he met while working construction.
Ryan posed with his parents and his sister at his wedding.
“He made time for everyone and checked in. When it was your birthday, he was the first to call and wish you a happy birthday,” says Simmons.
As for these holidays, Simmons, her husband and their daughter Allison, who was “very, very close” to Ryan, had no idea how they would spend their first Thanksgiving without him. Therefore, they asked for patience from relatives.
They ended up at a relative’s house on the same ranch-like property where Ryan proposed to Lauren last year.
“It was very difficult,” says Simmons. “Allison burst into tears. It was definitely hard being there with everyone but Ryan. Lauren ended up coming later… It was really hard to see her walk up without Ryan there.”
Ryan and Lauren share a hug during the family’s rescheduled 2023 Christmas celebration, which took place on New Year’s Eve.
In addition to the pain of losing her son, Simmons says she finds it difficult to see Lauren, who has been part of the family since she was a teenager, widowed so young. “It’s really difficult for us. But I’m worried about her. I’m so sad for her,” she says.
Now the family is preparing for their first Christmas without Ryan, Simmons said. Lauren has made plans to spend the night with her in-laws on Christmas Eve.
“Lauren’s birthday is Christmas Eve,” says Simmons. “Allison’s is on December 20th and my husband’s is the day after Christmas. And then Ryan’s is in January. So it just becomes very difficult.”
Simmons snapped a photo of Ryan holding a prank candle he gave her for Christmas last year.
As for what Simmons would advise other parents to keep in mind during the holidays, she says it’s very simple.
“Enjoy the time you have with your family,” she says. “Whether it’s ‘perfect’ the way you want it, or whether it’s not ‘perfect’ and you celebrate it a few weeks after Christmas, or whatever, just enjoy it. Don’t worry about the little things .”
Take pictures, too, Simmons adds. Even if no one in the family feels ready for the photo.
“I am a photographer. I have a lot of them,” she says. “But I didn’t take any pictures the night Ryan died. I didn’t feel 100% and I didn’t like the way I looked. I thought about taking a photo, but I didn’t. Now I wish I had pictures of that night.”
This article was originally published on TODAY.com
