Jamie was tall, confident, intelligent and aggressive in her career. When I stepped into the hallway, she would often dart past me, her heels tapping purposefully and definitively against the floor. She had a commanding presence that you always felt when she was around.
She had just appeared in front of my desk, her head rising above the thin, submissive walls of my cubicle.
Jamie smiled, “Are you the new phone guy?” It was a term I got used to.
“I am.”
“I have to order a new iPhone. My dog jumped on me and knocked my phone out of my hand. My screen is cracked. Here, take a look.”
I would hear more wild excuses from employees for their broken phones in the coming months. My favorite was: “My girlfriend saw a black spider and used my phone to swat it before she realized it was just a piece of fluff.”
I reached out to take it, and she pulled the phone back to stare at the screen longer, the control freak side of her flaring up again. She sighed as she rubbed her finger over the crack in the screen. Then I gave it back with a jabbing motion.
I looked at it and said, ‘Yes, we definitely need to replace this. A screen replacement is not enough.”
How things went south
A few days later, Jamie’s replacement phone arrived. She came to my desk and handed me her broken phone.
“Is there anything private on this phone?” Do you want to delete or save something on your computer first? I need to take a look at your files to make sure the data was transferred,” I said sincerely.
She shrugged nonchalantly, “No! You are good.” 20 minutes later I finished transferring the phone data. I opened the transfer folder on my computer.
Rows of Jamie’s nude photos flooded my computer screen. Hundreds of them, placed at the very top of the folder. I choked on my tongue and dove to turn off my monitor. I found myself in a busy grid of cubicles, with people constantly coming and going.
“How could she have forgotten?!” I thought.
I looked around neurotically, checking if anyone had seen my screen. This was my first week at work and I preferred not to be on the HR radar yet.
Then things got even stranger. Two minutes later she appeared back at my desk. Her confident, stern attitude has now been replaced by a sudden restraint, an air of uncertainty.
“Hey,” she whispered.
I looked up and tried to compose myself and forget that I had seen anything.
“Yes, ma’am?”
“So yeah, I had to… take some pictures of my… boobs for the doctor, sorry.” It sounded like she was making up the sentence as she went.
I waved it away and said, “It’s no problem at all. I saw nothing of the sort. I’m almost done.”
She walked away and I felt a wave of relief. A moment later, a system administrator comes around from the other side of my cubicle. He was a bald, six-foot man with dark-rimmed glasses and a devilish grin on his face, “So… can I see the booby pictures.”
“There are no boob pictures,” I said firmly.
He lay still as a statue, his grin plastered on. He held my eye contact for a few seconds, said nothing and turned away.
He knew I was lying. I’d like to sit here and tell you that Jamie’s story was a one-off. Unfortunately, I saw endless examples of otherwise smart, capable professionals, some of whom had earned college degrees from esteemed universities—and were still following a path of recklessness.
Months later, I was assigned to a project involving our BlackBerry phones, which were deployed to a fleet of thousands of truck drivers.
Our data surpluses had increased to $30,000 per month. We made a report on what drivers were doing with their phones. A few colleagues speculated that it might just be surfing the Internet during downtime or playing games. I kept my mouth shut because I knew the answer without even seeing the data.
And sure enough, it was porn. Worse, a shocking number of drivers used their phones to buy drugs and arrange appointments with paid companions. Some of these drivers were married with children – and hired male prostitutes. I suppose the road is lonely.
Part of me felt guilty for meddling in these personal matters. But only a little.
What people did in their personal lives wasn’t my business, but it became my business when it involved company equipment and when their behavior could get me fired without me taking action. Ultimately, things like prostitution are illegal. I guess it explained why some of this behavior happened in Nevada.
Most people, even the smart ones, are not as smart as they think, especially when it comes to covering their tracks.
In the years I worked there, I saw that patterns of misconduct brought with them an eventual and inevitable complacency that undermined a person. A small error in judgment, in covering their tracks and lies, eventually came back to bite them.
Every week we would get a termination email sent out. It showed the driver’s name and a brief description of why he left. Some found better jobs. Some retired. Others were outright fired.
One was particularly bizarre, so I called to find out what happened. In terms of context, we had a pretty simple process for drivers. You deliver your cargo to a location (then you go to the customer with your iPad) and have him sign to confirm the delivery.
Apparently this driver had some very bad habits. He was high on meth and arrived at the customer’s completely naked. He walked to the front door and knocked, wearing only his tennis shoes and holding his iPad for an autograph.
It always seemed strange to me that some part of his brain remembered to do its job. The other part simply forgot to put on clothes. And sure enough, we found out through his company phone that he also bought drugs while at work. Too bad we didn’t notice it earlier.
Beware of complacency in your workplace
Don’t bash employees or leaders on the company chat service. I also saw two people go up in flames before that.
A corporate office is not a democracy. Most people don’t want to pay for a second phone for personal matters. They don’t do that that often. But the result is that many of them lose sight of the situation. If you want to be looser and more fun with your phone, just buy your own phone. Don’t put a man like me in a position where we have to report you.
Managing corporate phones was my first job as an analyst and I got out of it as quickly as I could, but not fast enough. I remind you all that the dirty work always falls to someone at the bottom of the ladder. So be kind to the little guy.
My only regret is that I did not keep more track of the things I saw: so many stories are undoubtedly lost to memory.
Oh well, it could have become a book: ‘Texts from your truck driver’.
Remember – if you don’t want to get fired, it’s simple – don’t give your boss a reason to fire you. No nudes on your company phone.
