Joan Vassos may have a problem. She’s been cast as the lead in The Golden Bachelorettewhich premiered Wednesday. She is beautiful, accomplished and articulate. Her story of love and loss is compelling; she was happily married for decades before her husband died of pancreatic cancer in 2021. She is known to fans of the franchise for her endearing appearance in The Golden Bachelor last year, when she left the show early to care for her daughter, who was struggling with postpartum depression.
Now, as the Golden Bachelorette, she gets another chance to find love on television. But she may have been doomed from the start. None of the men vying for her hand live near Rockville, Maryland, where she lives, works as a school administrator, and has raised a family (that she clearly cares about!).
Of course, each of the 24 men who stepped out of the limo knows where Vassos lives, but they’ve decided to go along anyway. Maybe they’re willing to leave their own homes, their own families, their own lives, to start something new with Vassos. But… maybe not.
On The Golden Bachelorthat ran last fall, lead Gerry Turner, a septuagenarian from Indiana, found love with Jersey Shore native Theresa Nist. Turner proposed, Nist accepted, and the two were married in a televised wedding extravaganza that January. But they continued to live in Indiana and New Jersey, respectively.
In April, TMZ reported, the two were still not living together, as it’s hard to change the lives of decades for someone you’ve known for just a few months, especially when there are grandchildren involved. “We’ve heard they both have their own permanent homes in their respective states, and moving everything to one place would be time-consuming,” TMZ explained. “Theresa still works in NJ and has yet to decide what to do with her job as a compliance officer. Additionally, Gerry and Theresa are very close to their own families, and our sources say moving either of them would be difficult for them.” Uh, yeah!
Turner and Nist flirted with moving to neutral territory—Charleston, South Carolina—and starting a new life in the Palmetto State. But that vision never materialized. “We looked at houses in South Carolina, we considered New Jersey, and we just looked at houses, but we never got to the point where we made that decision,” Nist told ABC News when the couple was on Good morning America to announce their Golden Divorce—or, as Slate editor-in-chief Hillary Frey called it, their breakup, because can you even call it a marriage? This was completely avoidable, if they had just had a difficult conversation for they got married. Turner eventually eliminated Faith Martin because she made it to the final four and basically told him she wasn’t willing to leave Washington for him. Good for her, honestly. A similar conversation with Nist might have saved them both some trouble.
But that’s the problem with dating people who live thousands of miles away. Even if they’re willing to go on the show and discover love, they might not be willing to leave their home and life for a new love, especially if they’re people who share your values of putting family first, as many of the show’s participants say. That was a big theme during the premiere of The Golden Bachelorette. One of the participants was led out of the limousine by his daughter, Bachelor alum Kelsey Anderson. Another gave Vassos a onesie for her grandchild featuring a slice of pizza, a hot dog and the words Chicago style. (Chicago…nowhere near Rockville, Maryland!) There was even a very touching segment where the contestants’ children left video messages for them—tears ensued. It’s clear that Vassos likes guys who value family…but maybe not enough That they wouldn’t be willing to leave their family to be with her?
She – and whoever selected her suitors – clearly aren’t thinking seriously about the logistical aftermath of the show. One of the contestants do live in Maryland, albeit a two-hour drive away, on the state’s Eastern Shore. That could work, but… he was eliminated on Night 1! No contestants live in the DC area. The next closest contestant is near Philadelphia. In order for Vassos and one of these men to start a life together, someone have to make a sacrifice, turn their lives upside down, and move at least a few hours away, but more likely to the other side of the country. As someone who has moved to multiple unfamiliar states for a husband’s career, I know it’s a big sacrifice. But I also know it’s something that’s much easier to do when you’re young, when you don’t have a home or a job, when you don’t have kids or decades of inertia. What’s the owner of a hair salon in Chicago to do? Is the ER doctor willing to find a new job? And what about the man who’s raising his kids with an ex? Can the guy whose job title is just “girl daddy” petition his bosses (his girls) to move their also lives?
As a participant in The Golden BachelorVassos has been praised for her unwavering refusal to compromise on the values she holds dear. She refused to put her pursuit of Turner ahead of her daughter’s need for love and comfort during a difficult time. At the premiere, an admirer told Vassos that he would have made the exact same decision. That’s great. But if the whole finding-another-man thing is going to work for Vassos, she’d really like someone who’s willing to her firstly, and secondly, his family.
