Friends, the time has finally come: The Golden Bachelorettes ‘Men tell everything.’ Usually these things revolve around testosterone-filled drama, but this one was all love (and a few fart jokes). Let’s put on our gas masks and dive in.
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What happened this week 📺
I can’t even begin to describe how excited I was for this week. We all knew there would be talk about who grills the best and who snores the loudest, but the deeper moments made me cry.
Who got the closure: Jonathan has a girlfriend! I repeat: Jonathan has a girlfriend! Okay, technically he said yes meet someone. But does she have Instagram? Because I need to see it right now. [People]
Did they play “Golden Mansion Men”? Oh yes. Several times. And in an award-worthy show of dedication to the piece, the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles even performed it. Speaking of which, may we please get a gay bachelor already? [Entertainment Weekly]
What was the funniest blooper: There was no shortage of options (the fart jokes came in here), but my favorite was the montage of the men asking for wipes to dab the dew off their foreheads. [Entertainment Weekly]
Seniors superlatives 🏆
1️⃣ Prom King: Charles L.
You know you’ve made it big when Jesse Palmer compliments your hair on national television. This was definitely Charles L.’s night: He got handmade signs, a loving highlight reel, and even a shout-out from fans to become the next Golden Bachelor. Fingers crossed… [USA Today]
2️⃣ Will probably make us cry: Mark A.
To be honest, Mark A. bored me this season, but that changed last night when Jonathan revealed the sticky note with affirmations Mark left in his cup: “I am STRONG. I am INTERESTING. I’m Handsome. I am DESERVED. I am ENOUGH.” And I I’m crying! [TheWrap]
3️⃣ Most growth: Gregg
Gregg may have snored loud enough to wake up the entire Bachelor Mansion, but something good has come from the boys’ lack of sleep: he’s finally taking care of his sleep apnea. You go, Gregg! [Entertainment Weekly]
4️⃣ Class Clown: Jack
I don’t know if Jac Actually grilled those burgers for the crowd as a nod to “Burger-gate,” but between his joke about the mansion’s “Dick Van Dyke beds” and the photo of him in the (empty) jacuzzi in a full suit, the humor this Sinatra fan flew me to the moon. [Us Weekly]
5️⃣ Most Zen: Pascal
Although Pascal was there to comfort Joan, he found a moment to pull out the sheet masks and lead the boys into a moment of deep breathing. He actually does do you know anything about meditation? No. But at least he knew not to eat the cucumbers. [TheWrap]
Can I steal you for a moment? 💬
One-on-one with Carry Rengers
Finally next week Joan will choose between her final two men, so for our penultimate Q&A I have Wichita Eagle reporter Carrie Rengers, who follows our Kansan frontrunner Chock throughout the season.
Laura: What was it like having Wichita resident Chock on the show?
Carrie: Even for a city of half a million people, Wichita is a small city. Almost everyone seems to have a connection with Chock. It was a hoot to see its local references, although it was a groan that hay bales were the first thing shown in Wichita, like we’re all farmers.
Laura: People felt strongly about it Pascal’s self-elimination. Who should have given Joan more time?
Carrie: No offense to Pascal, but so many guys seemed like a better fit. Speaking of fit: Jonathan. Hello, sir. Gary is a delight. Girl daddy Keith, even if he is running out of words. Joan, darling, what were you thinking?
Laura: Give us your pitch for next week’s final: Why would Joan choose Chock?
Carrie: Joan, let’s be honest: Chock has been your man from the beginning. (In fact, he’ll probably give you constant grief because you didn’t give him a good first impression.) We’d love to see you in town, too. Let’s make it official.
Go deeper: Carrie had more to say about Joan’s visit to Wichita with Chock.
Golden visibility✨
Health problems can arise at any age, but it’s striking how many of this season’s cast have experience with cancer. Last night, retired CEO Michael revealed he was diagnosed just before he got the call to join. “My immediate inclination was not to proceed,” he said, but after encouragement from his family (and an OK from his doctor), he changed his mind.
“What could have been a really bad, difficult year for me was actually a great year,” Michael said, adding that he is doing well and is grateful “for this experience that came at just the right time for me.” [Parade]
😢This week’s cry counter: The male bonding was real this season, so yes, there were a lot of tears. I counted seven crying sessions – enough for retired Navy Captain Kim to sail over.
The Golden Bachelorette airs Wednesdays at 8pm ET on ABC.
About in reality: If Wednesday nights are anything to watch The Golden Bachelorettethen Thursday mornings are for diving into every detail with Laura Bradley, our Golden bachelorette correspondent. Register.
