Hi! I’m Laura Bradley, a culture critic and Bachelor obsessive. The Golden Bachelorette is here, and I’m ready to laugh, cry, and shudder as Joan takes you on her journey. The limo entrances were a little tame (no unicorn heads, sadly), but there’s a lot to unpack. Spoilers ahead!
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What happened this week 📺
America met (or re-met) its first Golden Bachelorette, Joan Vassos. Here are the highlights from Night 1 and the best social reactions:
What we learned about Joan: Joan lost her husband of 32 years to pancreatic cancer in 2021. Now she’s looking for someone who will make her feel “visible,” just like he did. As Valerie Monroe wrote, she has “remarkable authenticity.” [People/Yahoo Entertainment]
Who had the most remarkable entrance: The real romantic was Jonathan, who wore an eye mask that Joan had to remove so they could really see each other. Did I mention he gave her a poem then? *fans himself* [Entertainment Weekly]
Who was eliminated: Thomas, Bill, Pablo, Ken, David and RJ… we hardly knew you. Most of these cuts weren’t shocking, but I was rooting for RJ after his joke about a 6’4″ blue-eyed man working in finance. Tragic! [Today]
Senior superlatives 🏆
1️⃣ Most likely to take his daughter to work: Mark
As sweet as it was to behold Bach alum Kelsey Anderson introduces her father, Mark will have to learn to shine himself. That shouldn’t be hard — he seems like a silver fox with a heart of gold. Watch the scene. [GMA]
2️⃣ Best Dressed: Jack
I have to salute this proud racquetball champion for daring to wear a hot pink jacket in a sea of tasteful neutrals. And even better, he’s a retired chef and he cooked Joan a delicious meal. 10/10! [Entertainment Weekly]
3️⃣ Best Fake-Out: Charles K.
Charles showed up with a cane, pretended to walk wobbly, then dropped down and gave us 20. Was this move funny or arrogant? As someone who can’t do push-ups, I laughed. [Entertainment Weekly]
4️⃣ Best Dad Joke: Chock
Chock did his homework: Joan’s chicken noodle soup is TikTok-famous, so he brought his own “Chock-a-Noodle” soup. Free food And a clever pun? What more could a woman want? [TikTok/Variety]
5️⃣ The one most likely to move into the mansion: Charles L.
Has anyone ever been as excited about the Bachelor Mansion kitchen as Charles L.? Watch out, Joan. He may be here for all the wrong reasons (like more counter space and a full fridge). [House Beautiful]
All about the first impression rose 🌹
Are you ready for some Bachelor lore? In 2004, Jesse Palmer became the first Bachelor to give out a First Impression Rose, and it became a regular thing in 2007. Bachelorettes have historically done a much better job of discovering their ultimate choice from the start.
To whom Joan gave it: That would be ‘girl dad’ Keith, who drove up in a station wagon. Like a practical car, Keith ticks a lot of boxes: tall, hot, easygoing. No wonder Joan raced past all the other men to give him the rose. [USA Today]
Who Joan should have given to: Am I the only one with a crush on Jordan? He’s got a great smile, has started a cracking game of pickleball, and even brought her granddaughter a Chicago jersey. What can I say? Gifts are my love language. (My coworker Valerie is on the Jordan train too!) [People/Yahoo Entertainment]
Can I steal you for a moment? 💬
A one-on-one with Kristen Baldwin
Every week I talk to a Bachelor Nation superfan. In week 1, I was thrilled to catch up with Entertainment Weekly TV critic Kristen Baldwin — one of my favorite recappers in the game.
Laura: You interviewed Joan. What makes her such an exciting lead?
Kristen: She is a very classy, dignified lady and it is impossible not to cheer for her. She is also someone who knows what she wants, so I don’t think she will tell more than one person “I love you.” (*cough* Gerry *cough*)
Laura: How will The Golden Bachelorette be different than The Golden Bachelor?
Kristen: I think it’s funnier. Based on everything I’ve heard, it sounds like the mansion turns into some sort of senior dorm with lots of crazy — and sometimes emotional — male bonding.
Laura: If you were stuck in an elevator with one of these guys, who would you choose and why?
Kristen: I would go with Gary. He is Tina Turner’s godson so he must have some great stories.
Go deeper: Kristen got Joan’s take on watching the premiere for the first time. Read the interview.
Golden moment of masculinity 👴
Does anything scream “boomer dating rituals” louder than Jack (aka Mr. Pink Jacket) serenading Joan with Frank Sinatra? When he got all the guys to sing it together, I swear I felt the earth shake. [Variety]
😢 This week’s cry counter: Between Joan and the candidates, I counted no less than 10 times that people cried during the first evening, mainly because of the video messages from the candidates’ children.
About In Reality: If Wednesday nights are meant for watching The Golden Bachelorettethen Thursday mornings are meant to be spent with Laura Bradley, our Golden bachelor party Correspondent. Sign up.
