Money is one of the main reasons couples argue – and when one partner hasn’t worked in more than a decade, tensions only increase. This was the case for a woman who recently visited financial advisor Dave Ramsey’s show to ask for advice on what to do about her husband, who has been unemployed for thirteen years. Despite his Ph.D. in pharmaceutical chemistry, he has not had a job since his dismissal in 2011, leaving her as the sole breadwinner.
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As she described how they had traveled across the country, seeking advice and even getting help with their resume, Ramsey listened intently before giving her an honest account: “This has nothing to do with how you find a job… .He doesn’t. wants to work.”
The woman explained that her husband’s dismissal coincided with shifts in the pharmaceutical industry and the economic crisis, making it difficult to find a comparable job. But as she rebuilds her career, she increasingly feels that his job search hasn’t been particularly active. Ramsey explained: “Behavior is a language. What has he been telling you for ten years? ‘I don’t work.'”
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Co-presenter Dr. John Delony added that people in similar situations often do whatever work they can to support their families. Ramsey noted, “I know too many people with PhDs who got laid off but ended up working at the grocery store or Walmart in the meantime.”
The caller admitted that she encouraged him to get a job just to get back to work. Yet the years continued to pass. Ramsey’s co-host sympathized with him, but his message was harsh: “This is about standing up.” He continued, emphasizing that the woman’s husband must suffer the consequences of his inaction. “Someone’s going to have to love him enough to knock him out of the ditch,” Ramsey advised, “because he won’t climb out.”
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The situation became even more awkward when she admitted that she had consulted a lawyer, but discovered that she might have to pay alimony if she left him. For this caller, Ramsey’s advice boiled down to one central theme: love sometimes means helping someone face their reality.
