Sep. 14—NAMBÉ — Robert and Roberta Castañeda had led a fairly traditional life. The couple, married for 53 years, had four children and retired when they were 60.
However, their path took a turn about twelve years ago when they became caregivers for two of their grandchildren, 13-year-old Mario Santos Castañeda and 12-year-old Mario Cruzito Castañeda – who are called Santos and Cruzito.
They took the brothers, then babies, to their home in Nambé when the boys’ parents were struggling with addiction. Their mother has since passed away.
“We love them. … It’s fun raising your children, only that you’re working with your children. With your grandchildren — we’re both retired, so we have all the time in the world to love them, hug them and enjoy them,” said Roberta Castañeda.
Raising the boys also brought its fair share of challenges.
“Sometimes it’s hard,” Robert said.
The responsibility puts a strain on their finances, and at their ages — Roberta is 72 and Robert is 73 — they have far less energy than when they first became parents. They also have to learn new technology and have difficult conversations about what might happen if they die and the emotions that come with living arrangements.
The Castañedas are among tens of thousands of New Mexico residents who are raising grandchildren or other relatives, a growing trend largely driven by the state’s high rates of drug and alcohol addiction. A report released earlier this year by the Los Alamos National Laboratory Foundation found that the number of grandparents and other relatives raising children in New Mexico increased 20 percent between 2017 and 2023, from 30,000 to 36,000.
The report found that New Mexico had the highest percentage of children in the United States raised by relatives between 2021 and 2023, with 8% of children being raised by relatives, compared to a national average of 3%.
The report says the 8% figure is “likely an underestimate,” as many families in New Mexico have informal living arrangements.
Andrew Skobinsky, spokesman for the New Mexico Department of Children, Youth and Families, said about 53 percent of the child placements the agency manages are with relatives.
If parents cannot care for their children, he added, preference is given to placements with relatives. The agency has made a push in recent years to ensure that more children are placed with relatives.
“When the protection of a child requires placing the child in foster care, placement with relatives is seen as a less traumatic option than other possible solutions,” Skobinsky said.
Help lighten the load
Government and local agencies and nonprofit organizations have responded to the increase in foster care by offering support programs, financial assistance, and other resources for families.
CYFD contracts with the Southwest Family Guidance Center & Institute, which offers a Fostering Family Program that provides case management for kinship caregivers. Case managers help connect families with legal services, Medicaid, federal benefits and food assistance, and other resources.
The department’s Family Services division can also assist in coordinating counseling services.
For grandparents raising young grandchildren (under age 5), the New Mexico Department of Early Childhood Education and Care has a number of helpful resources, including assistance with child care, home visits, early intervention for developmental disabilities or delays, and kindergarten enrollment.
A spokesperson for the department said home visits provide extra confidence for all caregivers, but could be even more helpful for grandparents whose parenting skills are still a bit more challenging.
As the Castañedas went through their second round of parenting, it was the City of Santa Fe’s Grandparents and Foster Parents program that lightened their burden.
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, a state program administered and funded by the New Mexico Aging and Long-Term Services Department and the Non-Metro Area Agency on Aging, launched in Española in 2012. It provides support in the form of financial assistance and social, emotional, educational, and legal resources.
Santa Fe’s Senior Services Division administers the program for local residents and provides a financial component that is jointly funded by the city and state. It provides annual benefits of up to $200 per grandchild for up to two children per household for grandparents who are 55 or older and live in Santa Fe city or county. The fund is intended to help with out-of-pocket expenses for medical care, food, clothing and school supplies.
Senior Services Division Director Manuel Sanchez said the fund was allocated $5,000 from the state and $3,600 from the city this year, an amount that was down about $1,400 from the previous year. Funding fluctuates from year to year depending on the number of participants, he said, adding that many people may not be aware of the program.
The Castañedas recently used funds they received from the program to purchase school clothing and supplies.
“It’s really a big advantage, because it’s becoming more and more expensive to buy such big lists, like Chromebooks and a special calculator,” says Roberta Castañeda.
“Some of their clothes are quite expensive, their shoes… so it helps,” Robert added. “It’s a really nice program.”
The Castañedas heard about the program when they attended a meeting for grandparents and caregivers six years ago.
“I was surprised at how many people were there. There were a lot of grandparents raising grandchildren,” Robert said.
The couple noted that seniors face a number of challenges when raising young children.
“I think the hardest part is, when we were raising our kids, we had the Scouts and football, baseball — all that stuff — and we were able to handle it,” Robert Castañeda said. “You know, we don’t have that energy anymore.”
“We are not kids who grew up with technology,” Roberta added, “and the kids are much smarter when it comes to that. We don’t have the knowledge that it takes.”
There is a need for more outreach
The Castañedas would like to see more education for grandparents raising grandchildren, not only for themselves but for many other families, to inform them of the resources available.
“I know there are many programs,” said Roberta Castañeda, “but we don’t know enough about them. We just know that they are somewhere.”
Elizabeth Holmes, a program manager at the nonprofit Las Cumbres Community Services in Santa Fe, which also sponsors Grandparents Raising Grandchildren and offers support groups for grandparents and grandchildren, has been promoting the meetings and resources through an email discussion with participants, but she plans to expand her reach.
She is working on a newsletter that will soon be sent to schools, mentors, teachers, nursing homes and other programs to reach more grandparents.
The goal, Holmes said, is to develop a mailing list through some of the organization’s partners, so the monthly newsletter can be distributed to grandparents who need it but aren’t tech-savvy.
The support group meetings are held monthly at the organization’s downtown location on 5th Street, but smaller groups for both grandchildren and grandparents meet twice a week at various locations, including parks, museums and Meow Wolf.
According to Holmes, support groups provide technology education, emotional support, grief support, and social and peer support.
New Mexico’s one-stop shop for caregiving grandparents looking for more resources is the Aging and Disability Resource Center of the Aging and Long-Term Services Department, aging.nm.gov/long-term-care/caregiver-resources.
“We are very honest with them”
The addiction issues that led the Castañedas to return to parenthood are common problems in families across the state.
The LANL Foundation’s January 2024 report, “Resilient Families: Helping Grandparents and Kin Raise Children in New Mexico,” found that substance abuse problems lead to high rates of foster care.
“In New Mexico, parental alcohol and drug abuse are leading causes of children living with grandparents and relatives,” the report said. “Substance abuse disorders are common in New Mexico, and as a result, foster care is not uncommon.”
The Castañedas are honest with their grandchildren about the reasons for their living situation, but circumstances can be difficult.
“The children, they are sometimes confused about why they are in this situation,” said Roberta Castañeda. “It is difficult for them to understand. They have a lot of doubts and insecurities, even though we have a lot of warmth and appreciation for each other, and we are very honest with them, but these are things that come up.”
The Castañedas noticed a bright spot in their family story: Their son, the boys’ father, is turning his life around. He recently got a good job and has become more involved with the children.
“He’s come a long way since he was,” Robert said.
Roberta added: “It’s beautiful.”
When the Castañedas talk to other grandparents in a similar situation, they say that being a caregiver is not an easy task, but it is a rewarding one.
Roberta encouraged other caregivers to always be honest with the children and at the end of the day, be guided by love.
“If you educate them, [the challenges] are a little bit beside the point. What you see is the love and the care. … And when they ask you, ‘Why am I with you? What happened?’ you have to be very honest with them, because they need that.”
